I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
