I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
