he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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