just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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