the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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