i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
