the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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