You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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