i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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