omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
