Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
