i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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