you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
