I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
