Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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