she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
worst night to have a conscience
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
