I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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