Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
