just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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