my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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