Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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