I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
