I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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