So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
