If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
