tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
