she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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