your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
