is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He did a backflip because drugs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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