Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
