yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
