Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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