I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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