I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
