so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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