I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
