ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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