i just snorted my name. best moment ever
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
