As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You did what with his pubic hair?
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