So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You work out of a Hotel?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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