I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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