Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you had me at cake vodka
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
