I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
