he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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