I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
