i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
