i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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