If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
