mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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