I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
did you just send me my own nude
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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