Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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