Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
