I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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