He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
