walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
