I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
