just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
