so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
