I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
