And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
