If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
