I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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