Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
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I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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