Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
