thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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