A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Even my vagina gasped.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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