Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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