Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
