Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
