Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
