standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
