Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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